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| Reyna and I on a trail headed to Eunice Lake |
My whole life I have been the type of person to try only what I for certain knew I would be successful at. As anyone can ascertain, that means there have been multiple opportunities thrown my way that I simply avoided, especially once the weight gain/muscle decay started. I especially did not want to try things that would force me to realize I was not in the shape I was in high school, or that would make the kids see mom couldn't do as much as other moms, or that would make my husband know (not just suspect) that I really am unable to do everything he can. What it really has all boiled down to is shame. I did not want to feel it in any way, shape, or form. And, please note, I am not lazy. I bike, walk, play with my kids, lift weights occasionally, and more. I am just not (nor, if I'm being completely honest, have I ever been) in the shape to charge up a mountain while looking model perfect with ladylike perspiration daintily misting my body with a pristine rhythmic breathing.
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| Pacific Crest Trail with their Papa |
Last January I made a resolution to stop being in a rut, and try at least one new thing a month. Like most resolutions, I quickly broke that since I either didn't have the money to try whatever I'd found, or didn't have the time, or started to forget my resolve. What I did end up doing, though, was deciding to accept opportunities as they were given to me instead of finding a way out, even if I thought I may look ridiculous to the entire world (which, I might add, I did many times over. And using the term "world" is not an exaggeration. There is a surprisingly high number of international visitors in Washington State every summer). My dad presented the idea of taking day trip vacations throughout the summer, and going on excursions on Mount Rainier, and any other places we found interesting. The summer of 2013 we had done this once and it had been alright (although my feet did freeze as I walked barefoot in the snow), so I figured it would be fun and something that would make my kids have good summer memories. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Wrong.
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| Crystal Falls |
So wrong.
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| Ohanapecosh |
Pain is what it was. Sheer pain, memories filled with pain, gasping for breath, clothes drenched in sweat, and side spasms that made labor seem like a frolicking summer camp for kindergarteners. You know what else it was? Proof that I was able to do the things that my mind said I'd fail at. Let me be clear, I did fail each and every time we went out, at least by society's standards. In saying that, though, I perfected the art of getting up and leaving the house for shear agony each time it was offered, and in continuing to put one foot in front of the other instead of laying face down on the trails and demanding that the Civil Air Patrol air lift me from the mountain and take me home. Victory, really, is all in my own perception.
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| Kids and Hubby on Sunrise Trail |
Today, my thanks is for my own psychological shift from "nope, can't do that, I'd look like an idiot" to "what the heck is the worst that could happen". It sounds silly, but the simple acceptance that I can look stupid in public, and my world will not end, has opened up endless possibilities for me. After all, looking stupid really isn't so bad as long as I'm not actually being stupid!
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| Sunrise Trail |
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| Pacific Crest Trail |
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| Mowich Lake |
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| Trail to Eunice Lake |
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