The End: It's Time to Break-Up

Pardon the sideways video, this is the first time I have made, and then posted, one and I'm still getting the hang of things (I could always do it again, but as it's a 2 hour drive to the mountain and I'm already home, that's NOT happening). Also, excuse the lack of planning in what I had to say, it was a spur of the moment decision that I made after approximately five minutes of thinking things over, and waiting for the crowds of people to walk away so they wouldn't think I was crazy.

That being said, I have never been so sad with myself in my life. We went on a hike to the Skyline Trail (for those of you not certain what this is like, learn more here). Now, last summer I went on this exact same trail and had a horrible time since I had figured summertime = no snow. Because of that, I wore really sturdy flip flops, and ended up regretting it 1/2 mile in when a snow field appeared, and ended up walking barefoot in said snow. When I found out, yesterday, that we would be going back, I decided it would be different this year. I've already gone on four other hikes, and done a decent, although painfully slow, job, and I've been biking for a minimum of an hour a day, six days a week. This hike, to me, would be a piece of cake.



Photo by Reyna

HA I say, HA to my former self of yesterday. The result of today's expedition left me wanting to sit on the side of the trail and cry a river Mount Rainier a new River of Pity. I not only saw, for the first time ever, a picture of myself (taken by my daughter) with me in all of my out of shape glory, but I was also in a situation where I had to decide to let my family go on ahead while I would turn back. Doing this in front of my husband, who has not done anything involving more than medium level exertion with me since before my kids were born, was absolutely humiliating - and not because he said anything negative, but because I felt I proved to both of us just how bad I am (by the way, in my video I said I got halfway up. I found out, after making it, that I was wrong. I made it close to halfway on the "up" points, but there was another 3/4's of the way to go to complete the full Skyline Trail, which my family did).

So, as I pantingly climbed these stairs (yes, I said stairs) I came to a point where I said enough. I could have gone a bit further, but I could see the switch backs strait up in front of me, and knew that I'd never be able to make it beyond another 1/2 mile. My husband, six year old son, and dad went on ahead and my daughter and I turned back. After hearing their tale, I know I was right and that I could not have done it (1700 ft gain in elevation, most of that in stair form... Ha ha, no thanks!) right now. The thing is, though, I should have been able to. There were all sorts of people around me, some of whom were Grandparents (I'd say 70 years young) and they kept plodding along. Yet I could not do this, I could not put one foot in front of the other and keep on going without feeling like an asthma attack was about to strike.


My dad, son, and husband climbing the switchbacks without us.

A view backwards of the stair action

 



The zig zagging are the switchbacks, which have stairs all the
way to the top, at least that's my assumption. I wasn't
about to test that assumption either.

No matter where I turned, today, I seemed to see a reflection of myself and how I have let myself and my family down. I am a blob, a person who (if it was needed) really probably couldn't survive a disaster beyond a day, and I cannot live my life to its fullest because of my limitations. In short, I have been my own worst enemy. Not my husband, my kids, my stress levels, or anything else. It's all been me, and it's now time for me to end things with myself, and break up with the way I am now.

Please enjoy my rant, and keep any negative, disparaging, comments away from me as I need some positive incentive to keep moving forward. Also, please don't assume I'm inactive, because I am far from that!

Cranky Mommy - End of the Soda Era

A week ago today I blogged and said that I would cease drinking soda, minus a one day a week cheat day. I have, officially, been soda free for one full week! It feels great to accomplish a goal that I set down in print, and shared with the world. It has not, however, been easy.

To be honest, I had visions of drinking water/Crystal Lite and feeling healthy, rejuvenated, and energetic. Instead, what I got was a migraine. Let me clarify, from day one through to day 6 I had a migraine to the point I wanted someone to take an ax and chop my head off. Even migraine medicine (with it's weeny'ish amount of caffeine) didn't do the trick to give relief. I caved one day and had a small mocha and that didn't do anything. What I did notice, though, was that each day the migraine and sluggish feeling lessened (not by much, but enough to have some hope and a pin prick of light at the end of the tunnel).

This has made me cranky. I'm cranky towards myself, my parents, my kids, my husband, the kids I work with. You name it. Yet I continued to plug along. At my son's 5th birthday party I was somewhat sullen, head pounding, trying to seek meaning in the idiocy of a mere drink ruining my life. Then Sunday came, my cheat day. I made certain to drink plenty of water before finally drinking the diet coke I had so badly needed during the week. As I drank the soda, I realized that it did nothing for me. The taste was okay, but nothing to crave. I am happy to say that I drank way less than I normally would on a cheat day, and am contemplating not having it even then.

I will admit that, despite doing so well, I cheated today and had 1/4 of a can of Diet Coke. I don't even know why I did it, the migraine had left, I did not (and do not) miss the flavor. It was like a routine of needing something in the morning other than just water, a call that I answered. Yet when I started drinking it, I felt guilty, and ended up pouring it down the drain.

All in all, I feel this is great progress, and hope to see my body react to healthier drinks being put in it. Since the migraine has passed (hopefully for good), the energeticness and rejuvenation should start at some point.

Up next, working on the food intake for a healthier, less cranky, me!

The Road to Fit

Almost everyone I know tries to get fit in one way or another, and whether it's really needed or not. I have definitely been among those seeking and striving to look and feel better. After having my second child, my body morphed into being an out of control blob that I have finally come to terms with. The terms being that this out of control blob needs to get healthy, fast. And, by healthy, I don't necessarily mean to focus on the pounds lost.

In the last year, I have realized that living healthy is more important than what the scale (or pesky tags on the clothes) read. So, in talking with a friend yesterday, I have come up with a personal reward system towards a fitter, healthier lifestyle. Before I lay out what the plans are, I will say I am doing this to live the longest possible,  to actually "live" while I'm alive, and to show my kids anything is possible. And, last but not least, to feel like myself again in clothes, during activities, and any time I look in a mirror.

Knowing me, any plan that is long term will have something to do with either France or Disney. This particular one is Disney based. My family and I have a trip we are in the middle of planning, and it's for us to head to "the World" next spring. I am using that as my catalyst to literally catapult myself towards better choices. Each step in my planning program will be based around my health choices. Every time I make the right choices for a full week in drinking the correct amount of water (and diet soda, as a treat, only on Sunday) and white tea, then I will deposit $5.00 in the Disney fund. Whenever I make the proper food choices for a full week (also taking away Sunday as it is a "cheat" day), and eat what has been prepared at home, I will add $10.00 to the Disney fund. Whenever I work out three times a week (working out is outside of the realm of walking, which I already do. So it is actually an aerobic activity lasting longer than 20 minutes) I will add $5.00 a week.

Another way to get myself moving is to not allow myself to actually book our family trip until I have lost 20 pounds. So, though I know Disney has not opened up next years booking, I know that they usually do mid-summer. Which means that I have 6+ weeks to lose 20 pounds, or else I have to keep my travel agent (whom I have already contacted) waiting until the scale reaches what I contracted with myself. The same will go for ADR's, I will not make them until I have hit 45 pounds lost. That means if day 180 hits, and I have not budged more than the initial 20, I will not be picking up the phone to make those ADR's.

Also, any time that I "slip-up" I will be detracting from my funds for that week. For example, if I break and have a Diet Coke on Monday, I will take away $0.25 from the $5.00 I would be putting into the fund at the end of the week. Hopefully this will keep falling away from my goals to a minimum.

I am very excited to give this a try, as I know I am at the end of where I should be health wise, and that I want to be the best I can be for my family, God, myself, and my community. So let the Disney get fit times begin!

New Beginnings -Thursday Fitday!

After last week's wedding

Sorry for the off and on again posts in the last few months - things have been crazy here this summer between school, classes, kids, just general things in life. I will have to admit that my fitness regime has been almost as lax as my blog posts (rarely made it to the gym, but have been active otherwise). It has been discouraging because the gym I did belong too was not challenging me enough (Curves), and its hours just did not work with my schedule - why on earth did it close at 11:00am on Saturdays, for a three hour break midday during the week, and completely on Sundays??? After my workout, I barely broke a sweat and was almost never sore: A sure sign that not much was really being worked out. Miraculously, though, I have trimmed down a little over the past few weeks.

As of the first, my gym membership expires, and I know that it is not the gym for me to be renewing at. So, this morning, I was signed up for a regular gym. As odd as this will sound, I am actually nervous to be back into a normal workout routine. It has been so long since I actually lifted weights (Curves does not allow weights to be changed, they stay exactly the same for the half hour circuit), that I am positive I have lost almost all of my muscle ability to do anything. Nervous though I may be, I will start tomorrow at the gym and go at least 4 days a week (woot for the gym being open on Sunday!!!!) unless something comes along that does not allow my attendance. To start, I plan on biking for 20 minutes, elliptical for 5, and weights for 20. Eventually I will build up, but I feel this is a decent start to get back to where I was years ago.

Another new start for me are the shakes that Krystal (of www.magicaldismom.com) started me on. They are the Body by Vi, and do well being a meal supplement. In the craze of the past few weeks I will admit that along with my shakes I have screwed up with my calories, but am hoping with things falling back into routine that my eating habits will as well. Please know I am not looking for a miracle of any sort, other than seeing myself start to lose.

Thursday Fit-Day: The Great Kid Deal

My wonderful daughter and son

In my quest for fitness, it is increasingly difficult when the undesired foods/drinks are in the house because of my husband and kids. I know what you're probably thinking, they shouldn't have the junk foods either, right? Right. Except my house has two different rulers: Mom who is trying to put veggies and what not into everything and tries to drink water (or at least Crystal Light), and dad who believes long live the deep fryer, and large amounts of sugar. Our middle ground has been making pretty much two separate meals for everything, and since it's 3 to 1 in our home for simplicity I do end up going along with them a lot of the time.
Please let me make a few things clear, though, my kids are required to eat veggies every single day whether they like them or not and do get the required amount of milk they need and are part of tons of activities to keep them running around. The concern is the extras, the processed foods, fried foods, not so good snacks, and wanting to drink soda all the time. The things that shouldn't be around, but are.

And then, genius struck: Why not make a deal with the kids, one that will benefit all of us. So, here it is, my kids have agreed to only eat and drink what I do. That may sound like a "duh" type statement, but here is the catch. If I eat or drink anything not healthy on a non cheat day (Sundays are cheat days here since we are at the grandparents) then they get it too. Both of them have been given permission to check what I am eating/drinking at any point, and let me tell you they do. The other day I cheated and had some soda, and within two minutes both kids arrived with cups in hand for their bit.

We have tried this for a few days now and it has worked perfectly. Anytime the kids ask for something they shouldn't have, they get one look from me and walk off repeating to themselves "it's not Sunday yet." And, because I have many guilt issues I have refused to sneak anything "bad" when they are not around. Have we broken a few times on not so perfectly healthy things? Of course, but it has really helped in the restricting of things, and has also made us all think twice before consuming something that really isn't worth it.

So why not make your own deal to live healthier? Even if you do not have kids this checks and balances system works with friends, spouses, significant others, family, etc. Why not keep check on one another to live better and longer lives?

Now, if only I could get the hubby to dump the deep fryer and join in...

Thursday Fit-Day: Chicken Tortellini Caesar Salad

Thanks to my friend Holly (found at www.hefinator.blogspot.com) I was introduced to this recipe a few years ago, and loved it. I never tried to make it on my own, but a few months ago when I had Holly over for her birthday she requested this as her meal. I was surprised to see how fast and easy it was to make, and how healthy it really is - a big plus, my kids even loved it! It's something that can be kept exact to the recipe, or have extra veggies and what not added into it. For Holly's pictures of this wonderful meal, go here.


Ingredients:
1 Bag Caesar Salad mix
1 Package Buitoni 3-Cheese Tortellini (I have used any type of pasta I have in my cupboard as well)
2 large Chicken Breasts

Start by cooking the pasta according to the directions on the packaging. While that is preparing, cook the chicken through and cut into cubes. In a large bowl, put the salad mix, pasta, and chicken and mix well. It is that easy, and oh so delicious and filling!

Thursday Fit-Day: Plugging Away

Hello all, sorry for missing last week's post. Things have been absolute crazy here between school, work, kids, and just life in general. I promise it will not happen again though, as I know my posting regularly will help keep me on track and accountable. Also, it hopefully is encouraging to any of you that feel it is too hard to make the changes to a healthier you - truth be told, it's harder to stay the same with the health risks then to get up and mix things up a bit.

Unfortunately I have not gotten measured yet as I still have not made it to the gym. The gym I belong to has very crazy hours (they're closed for three hours in the middle of the day, right at the point I get off work and would be heading to the gym, and close by 7:30 at night so no going after the kids head to bed). My only choice, really, is to get up at 5:00am and head to the gym before anyone in the family is awake. And that's only on mornings my husband does not work. So, as you can see, making the gym trek has been difficult to say the least. I do plan on going in the morning, though, and will update with a comment on here of the measurements. Let me say, I do not relish the idea of sharing those numbers with you all, but I shall do it!

I have been walking a lot more as my family was given a year long pass to the zoo (thanks mom and dad!). I have also started back up with doing my kickboxing dvd's regularly. The first time doing them again had me in pain after a mere 5 minutes, and I could barely complete the whole session (not to mention the countless stopping to see how many minutes were left). As of this morning, I completed the full 25 minutes with only checking for the remaining time once! Also, it is much easier and I no longer feel like the movements will literally kill me.

Last night I started an old yoga routine that I did back in high school and college. To my shock, I could do no more than a few minutes and even those few were shaky. Immediately, though, I could feel the results of being able to breath easier and hold my shoulders back better. So I will definitely be pushing foward with that. My plan is to perfect the routine in chunks by doing the same parts several days in a row and then add more. We shall see how I progress throughout the week.

All for now, hopefully some encouraging numbers on the scale next week!

Thursday Fit-Day

Each week I will be posting something fitness related whether it is something I have struggled with, or something I am trying/going to try. I hope you all stay along the journey with me, and saw my last post on how I have gotten to this point. Some time in the future I will be brave enough to be like my dear friend, Holly, and share the full details of what I have done to cause this weight problem.

Until then, I wanted to do a simple update on what I have done in the past week to start setting things in the right direction health wise. To start, I have dusted off my kickboxing DVD and started using it again (believe me, my thighs have been discussing murder plans because of it), and have been coming up with my outdoors things to do with the kids on the weekends so my downtime isn't really "down."

The biggest step I have made is to join the SHCC Cross Trainers, which is a running group through my church. We are all training together to run at a charity event for 4Us on July 28th. The leader of the group has successfully trained many people to do this throughout the years, and assigns weekly homework. Some of it is more about the mental state of not being able to push through, and some is actual exercise. Either way, I'm doing it!

Quote from our trainer, Brian Sweet:

"Expect Resistance. You're NOT too tired, it's NOT too hot, it's NOT too late, you DO have something to wear, you will NOT be embarrassed, you will NOT be alone. Whatever that nagging excuse, overcome it. Take the first step and show up (...). *Anything* you do is better than if you had done nothing."


See you all next week for a measurement posting. In the mean time, check out Holly's page http://hefinator.blogspot.com/ tomorrow for more fitness info!

Getting Me Back

With the encouragement of a dear friend, I have decided to start including fitness things one day a week. I know the accountability to you all will be a real help, and that this will also help me get real with myself about my health problems. As this is my first post on the subject, which makes it the hardest, I am apologizing in advance for the style it is written in. Some of these things will be very difficult for me to share publicly.

To start, I would like to share how I used to look, and how things have changed along the way. This was me back in jr high/high school (no, I didn't always used to be thin and had to work hard to look that way, but my teen years were at a normal size).

Either ninth/tenth grade

Back in ninth grade

After the birth of my daughter

Family last October

My birthday adventure last December

As you can see, my weight drastically increased after having my kids and being a full time working mom. Though I could have made healthier choices, I chose to make the (mostly) economical and quick ones. If we had the money we ate out as a way to cut down on time, and bond together before crashing in the evenings. When cooking, it was mainly Hamburger Helper and whatever other inexpensive thing we could find. Though I was walking daily, this was not enough to burn off the baby fat along with the new calories.

Years have gone by (my youngest is almost 4) with me nearly giving up as it is not as easy as it once was to lose weight. Since having kids, I am able to lose but in small amounts with constant effort. Though this should be expected, it is difficult to me to work with this change after so many years of doing nearly nothing yet being a size 5,

Over the last 6 months I have joined a gym (yet rarely have the time to attend) and have purchased a few workout dvd's that were successful in the past. I also am starting to find healthier alternatives, and am seeing that eating out (unless for a special occasion) needs to be done with.

The plan is to begin utilizing my gym membership by going in any day my husband has off (his schedule changes weekly) no matter what unless it is a day the gym is closed. If that is the case, I have to force myself to choose a substitute day. The rest of the days I will alternate dvd's along with starting back up in my jogging training. Sundays will be my day off.

I hope you all will come along with me in encouraging these changes, and will be my own private cheering section!