The Timeout List - AKA, the Journey to the Naughty Stool

My dad makes these stools that are pretty awesome. Each time one of my close friends has a child, he makes them one so that the child has their own piece of furniture to play with. As time has gone on, these stools have turned into the timeout furniture of the home, and have been dubbed the "naughty stool". So, when I read the prompt of this week (List 10 people, places, or things you’d like to give a timeout to) my brain immediately said "hmmm, whom shall we place on the naughty stool?".

1. The Middle East. Yep, I just went there. Pretty much that entire area - lets just say the whole continent - needs a time out. We'll say one hour per each person that has senselessly been killed. That should put them on the stool for a long enough time that someone who has some compassion and brains can come in and fix things and see that Christians, other minorities, and women all deserve to 1. live, and 2. have rights. Middle East, go to your corner, now!

2. Russia. Mr. Putin, Sir, you are also going to have to sit your shirtless-while-riding-a-white-tiger self on a teeny, tiny stool for a while. Have you not learned that complete control and violence are not okay? They're not. Terrorizing other countries is also not okay. Someone, apparently, did not learn how to share in kindergarten, or how to get along with others. In fact, maybe instead of timeout you should simply be sent back to class with a bunch of 5 year olds.

3.  Friends who are only around when they need something, or when they are in between finding best friends. Seriously, we're either good friends or we're not. We're either on a level where we share intimate details or we're not. We're either basically like family or we're not. No more games, no more wasting of time, or playing with emotions.

4. Myself. A lot of times I feel as though I need to go to my own corner and collect my breath. This is especially so before dealing with my children. I have found that it teaches them about patience, and about making important decisions while calm. Plus, some times it's important to just hide and be alone.

5. Major fans of the NFL. All of ya'll need to chill out. This whole "they cheated" nonsense is getting out of hand. Newsflash, ALL of the teams cheat. Does it make it right? Nope. Should they do it? Again, nope. Just stop getting on your high horse in acting like there are no skeletons in your team's closet because I guarantee you that there are (here's a list, for anyone interested). Plus, football season is over. Can we please take a break from it until August?

6. The makers of delicious, yet unhealthy, foods. It is simply not fair to those of us with food allergies and intolerances to have to watch others eat this deliciousness, and smell it as well, yet not be able to indulge. Maybe, just maybe, you should sit on the naughty stool for a llllloooonnnngggg time while someone eats that stuff around you and doesn't let you have it! Bet that'd make you all reach for natural ingredients in a hurry!

7. The United State's government. I don't think I even need to explain this one. From the mess of the economy, not being able to set a budget (seriously, we families do it all of the time, pay one of us to come up with it for you!), and making questionable decisions left and right you all need a naughty stool, nap, and possible relocation to a new daycare.

8. The political correctness police. The one thing I have noticed as I have matured into adulthood is that the more pc things become, the more aware people become of differences. It is hard to say we are all equals and are all the same, while also being forced to be overly sensitive in word choices. You cannot have it both ways. At the same time, looking at people's pasts and fearing about the repercussions takes away from all we have learned from mistakes. It is important to acknowledge slavery, the holocaust, gender inequality, etc and see it for exactly what it is, yet move forward with courage. For those of you that can't, to the corner you go!

9. People who feel it's okay to have child trafficking/marriage. You who do this, or argue for it, are sick individuals and human beings. A timeout is probably too nice for you, but as that was my only option that's what you get. How this can even be publicly argued I do not know.

10.My children. You both are about to spend a while in separate corners of the house if you cannot get along with one another! Also, this whining, sighing, and eye rolling is stupid and needs to stop. I, myself, feel like doing all of the above at you multiple times a day now, and do not plan on getting most of my caloric exercise from plummeting breaths and eye movements. Gah!

I know my list is random. Trust me, if there wasn't a list on 10 it would have been a lot more comprehensive. Happy Thursday, all!