Are You My Friend?

We all have that one friend or two who used to mean the world to us. You know, inseparable, practically family, besties for life. Then, something happens... And that person seems as though they wish you'd lose their number, forget what their face looks like, and that you'd move out of town. Except, when they don't and all of a sudden appear out of nowhere and act like nothing is wrong.

Which leaves you wondering:

Original photo credit to www.randomhousekids.com

In the adolescent/early adult years these types of relationships were fine. People could come and go, rolling with it was easy, and none of us really figured these people would be our friends for life (despite the loud proclaiming of "oh, we're bff's"). What about now, though, as we're all actual adults with spouses, children, bills, and careers? And, at what point can any one person claim that the reason to disappear is due to busy schedules (there are definitely times for this excuse, such as having a baby and what not, and I'm sure none of us begrudges our friends for disappearing during those times)?

I am proposing that now is the time to evaluate whether or not you are the doormat in your relationships.

1. Does knowing that they refuse to be a consistent part of your life give you nothing but stress? If so, maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with your friend. If that chat leads to an argument, I think it's safe to say, they are not your friend. Anyone who truly values you, your opinions, and your time will not get mad when you ask that they spend a little bit more time with you.

2. Looking at the give and take factor, does your percentage of giving rate way higher than taking? In other words, do you have visible proof that this friend uses you more as a babysitter, bank, psychologist instead of a person to spend quality time with? If so, begin saying no and watch to see if their calls/texts/PM's become less and less frequent. If not, congratulations, you have a true friend!

3. Do they consistently bestie hop? You know the person, one moment they are your bff and then someone new comes along and they jump ship. Months later, you can see on their FB that they have found someone even newer. And the saga continues with bestie after bestie and random texts complaining how the previous bestie had something wrong with them. If this is you, decide if you mind being last season's friend that is occasionally used whenever some comfort is needed (kind of like those super comfy jeans that you no longer wear out in actual public).

4. Does this friend reach out and share in the good and bad times of you and your family? Hopefully, your answer is yes and you do simply have a friend who is busy, but still cares about your well being. If, though, your friend sees the status updates about family emergencies, career advancement, graduations, etc and says nothing... Well, that silence is definitely an answer that no time or stress needs to be wasted here.

5. And, lastly, what is this relationship modeling to your own children? You may reason that they are too young to notice, or simply don't care about any of mom and dad's friendships. No matter what, though, we are the foundation to how our children will lead their lives and this does not stop at personal relationships. How you handle, and maintain, your friendships will become the guide to your children in their future relationships. So, what will they see? Is this a toxic person who turns every situation into a fight where they become the martyr and you are horrible? Do they lie and expect you to go along with it? Evaluate, and treat yourself how you wish your children to some day treat themselves. Above all, though, be fair to the other person and treat them with dignity and respect regardless of how you decide to leave the friendship. That will speak volumes to your children that we treat others well no matter what.

Basically, take the time at the beginning of 2015 to decide who you give pieces of yourself to. Who really deserves to be let in on all of the private details about yourself and your family. Clean out the Facebook friends list, and stop worrying about how many are left behind. Those who are, are truly keepers. Who knows, maybe there are some new adventures with old (or new) friends to take!