The Scary Average

In life, it feels like we are all taught that we can do whatever we want. And by whatever we want, it means we should all be strait A students (maybe a B or two along the way), be in wonderful athletic condition, have acceptances to major universities, and wonderful job prospects lined up. All it takes is imagination, hard work, and anything is possible, right? Anything less than above average is a failure, right?

I hate to be the one saying this, crazily waving the white truce flag, but what is wrong with average? At what point did average equate out to failure? And, when in our crazed society, did we decide that every person is able to be above average, and if their lives/grades don't reflect this that we, as educators/parents, failed them?

We, as a society, try to teach our young that everyone is a special, individual, with multiple talents. And this is true, but how does it tie in with the belief that I am an individual with my own talents, yet I am able to be above average in the exact same way as my neighbor? It just doesn't work. God made us all as precious human beings with our own set of individual strengths and weaknesses, strength and weaknesses that are to be celebrated and not shamed. Why should I, a mere teacher in training, feel as though I am not measuring up to a societal standard because I didn't go for a degree that would put me at, say, NASA? Not only that, but aren't the "average" skills necessary (such as being able to negotiate, have excellent people skills, being dependable, and the ability to manage) and just as important as rocking at anything scholastic?

As teachers - which is a term I use for anyone who has children, works with children, or is around children - it is our job to make certain the children around us are pushed to reach their mental/physical limits, and then give an extra nudge to see if they are able to go further. If that child's limits are a 2-3 grade in math, and that grade was earned (yes, I said earned) after working hard, asking for help, and trying different approaches, then that is a worthy grade to be celebrated. If another child works hard at spelling, and the highest they can get with hard work, coaching, etc is a 7/10 then congratulate them on a job well done.

I think we all have to agree, as well, that all people, with all abilities, are needed in the world. A truck driver is no lesser of a person than a doctor: Both have honest jobs, are serving others, and are needed. So, if there are the high, average, and below average jobs, but all are needed why should any of us be ashamed at any of those categories that our children reach so long as they are filling their potential at the same time as earning an honest living?

Let me add to this that I do believe in pushing, prodding, and expecting excellence. Without these three things, no one will amount to anything because all of us, deep down, are lazy (admit it, if we didn't have to work, have to go to school, or have any societal standards, we'd all probably lay around staring at a computer or tv screen all day) and need that extra nudge to get where we need to go. Kids need this, they thrive when they know what is required of them and that anything less than 100% effort will not be accepted. Having these three things, those, does not mean that excellence has to be a 4.0, acceptance to Harvard University, or a job as a surgeon. What it does look like is a parent (hopefully both parents) sitting the child down, having an earnest conversation, and explaining they may not be gifted everywhere, but if they work hard and prove they did their best, that they can be proud of themselves just as you are of them. Pretty simple, isn't it?

Average isn't scary, it isn't something to be avoided, or something to make you feel like a lesser parent because the neighbor (or family member, or friend) has a child with more 4's than anyone else in the classroom and yours works hard and has a handful of 2's and 3's. My own daughter is average: She has some 2's, 3's and an occasional 4. At report card time, I immediately go to the comments, which always tell me how hard she worked, how respectful she was, and that she put in all the effort she could muster to learn. Her dad and I then stress to her that she needs to keep working to pull up those 2's, but that we are proud of her. And, as a result, each report card shows fewer and fewer 2's, more 3's, and the same teacher comments. As average goes, I am pretty proud of her and think she's an awesome kid who may be a vet, a teacher, or a Taco Bell owner (her idea, not mine) and will leave the rocket science stuff to those who are more qualified.