This Mom's New Foot Forward

The last few weeks have been a HUGE (yes, I really do mean the emphasis on that word) eye opener for me. Right after the 4th of July I came down with something that knocked me down so hard I thought it may be hospital time. Stupidly, as I was sick - and in pain- I kept trying to get up and do homework, clean, or do anything else that I knew was on my growing "to-do" list. Shockingly, every time I tried to do something I ended up even worse off than I had been a few hours earlier.

What is the point of sharing this with all of you? Well, after I slowly accepted that sleeping/wasting away on the couch was what was required, I had a lot of time to think. While thinking, I made some decisions. The biggest one was that school, though a large priority, was not something that I need to power through. After accepting that, and taking some new medication, I started feeling better in less than 24 hours. My second decision was that some job changes may be in order. While I am blessed beyond measure to have a job, and one that will help me further my career, it stresses me out to work so far from home, having opposite breaks from my kids, and certain situations that make it a stomach ache daily. So the resume has been dusted off, and job hunting has commenced.

The day after all of these decisions I celebrated my feeling well by laying on the trampoline with a friend and talking over the changes I've decided to make. That was immediately followed by an hour of jumping on the trampoline with my kids. The looks on their faces was absolutely priceless, along with the laughing about "mommy jumping" as well.

I guess what I am trying to get at is what my Grandmother summed up so well after I told her the news that I will not be finishing school early. She basically said "well, you're only one person after all. You can let go of the pride and be that one person". And you know what, she's right. We are all only one person. And, whether we like to admit it or not, we do not have to be as swamped as most of us have let our lives become.

Priorities are expected and needed. The thing about them, though, is that they are easily adjusted. What was important, say, six months ago may not be as important now. Just as what is needed to be focused on now might not further on down the road. If we don't stop and evaluate those things every so often, we get run down, over worked, stressed out, and can also develop the martyr syndrome.

Let me also say that I am all for being busy, I will probably always have things going on in my life. I also have become aware, though, that it is okay to accept graduating six months later in order to stay healthy. It is okay to not have a completely spotless house and instead take an hour a day to work out to improve my over all well being. It is also okay to tell the church I will teach on Sundays but not as much as before because I need that recharge time, and time to not snap at my children because I am worried how the other parents at the church will perceive me.

This may sound like my post about saying no, but it's really not. Instead, it's my way of saying to choose and switch things out as they're needed. Oh, and by the way, it's also okay to have time just staring at the TV if it's needed to mentally work things out and just shut the brain off.

Lastly, I am horrible at this, but I learned that I have to carve out more time to laugh with my kids, and have in depth conversations about nonsense. I always believed that my being busy was for their well being, that I'd end up making more money, and provide a more secure life for them. Or that my stress level meant I deserved taking extra time for me in order to not react to them. Or that if I did do the mommy snap on them, that it was understandable (some times it is) because "all mom's do it" and "I'm really stressed right now". All of that may make sense, and be completely true, but it doesn't take away from my kids growing up, and growing up fast. Part of my priorities was realizing that I'd rather my kids have memories of us being silly together, and completely poor, than having extra things with a scatter brained mom who yelled a lot.

I can't promise I won't yell anymore, or become stressed (I am the queen of it, after all), I am, after all, a work in progress by God who reminds me with twinges of guilt whenever those things happen. What I can say is that I will no longer have an excuse because each choice I make has led me to whatever action, or reaction, I choose to have. So, I'm choosing to be a less busy mom who can set aside her pride and graduate December 2015 instead of March 2015, who's house may look sometimes like a bomb went off inside it, and who does not have the current "ideal" job, but I will be the mom who has more time to read books to her kids, listen to their decisions on pretending to be vampires, sleep in tents in the backyard, actually comprehend the homework I'm doing instead of just cranking work out to complete and move on, and possibly have a job I like a bit less but that gets me home much sooner.

If I can make these choices, so can you. What will your new priorities be to make your life less draining and scary?

Silly times in the tent

Vampire fangs ha ha!